to do list.

hahah boys vs girls

the last part is the best part

the ending of this...SO TRUE

hahahahahha

I can honestly say all of these r true!

Love them all.

Jokes

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and

turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.

"That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and

pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and

the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

"The usual asks the waitress?"

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato

and a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and

places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir.

How do you manage to always come up with the exact change

in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and

found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered

me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,

I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money

would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a

million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want

for as long as you live!"

"That's right…Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce,

the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick

with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."

WELL HELLO !!!!!

T'was the Night Before Christmas

hahhahaa

liam neeson

Problem with dating a geek...

Hahaha i burst out laughing at this....

this is just so true. and relevant.

How to Impress a Woman

Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

How to Impress a Man

Show up naked.
Bring beer.

Funny thingss

If you want something done right, call an Italian.

Facts about The killing of Osama Bin Laden:

1) Fugitive for 19 years. Hunted by Saudi Arabia , Interpol, Scotland Yard, Mossad, and the CIA.

2) CIA was looking for him for last 14 years. Found him twice and lost him twice. Cost $1.8 Billion

3) CIA had 4 directors over this time period, 1997- 2011. All failed to capture Bin Laden.

4) Obama appoints Leon Panetta son of Italian immigrants as new CIA director April 28^th, 2011

5) Mr. Panetta calls in a few favors from friends in New York, New Jersey and Las Vegas on April 29th 2011.

6) They plan a raid over some espresso and cannolis April 30^th, 2011. Decide to dress as Navy Seals.

7) Bin Laden is killed (not captured or held for trial) and the body is dumped at sea May 1, 2011.

(also known as swimming with the fishes)

8) Job done in less then 100 hours: Reward $25,000,000.

9) Estimated savings of not having a trial $200,000,000.

10) When you need something done right, call an Italian.

prime time

clever

pretty funny haha

haha

too true

hhahahah clever shit

Dear Mr. President:

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

4) They MUST buy their own health insurance. - Health Plan for seniors just fixed!!!

It can't get any easier than that! If more money is needed, have all members of Congress and their constituents pay their taxes... If you think this would work, please tell everyone you know.

If not, please disregard. Then shoot yourself!!!! - 1 job opening

God Bless America.

hehehehhehe

a breif history of EVERYTHING

hahahahaahha so clever